Monday, June 13, 2016

Lagrimas Con Karne

We begin today’s player profile on a bit of a tangent. Consider the image below:

Joe Camel was designed as an advertising character to lure impressionable children and young adults into the trap of nicotine addiction. The tobacco companies understood that if you get a customer while they’re still young, you create a lifelong smoker.

In recent years, CCP has taken a similar strategy by introducing dangerous new tools for miners. Specifically, the Venture (and its TII variants the Endurance and Prospect), allow young players to get trapped by mining early. It is at this very impressionable stage that players need our help, rather than cheap and easy mining frigates that’ll drag them down the Dark Way.

Don’t get me wrong, these frigates have their place. The Venture, with its strong warp core bonus, should be used to ninja mining in dangerous areas, and that goes double for the Prospect and Endurance with their cloaking ability.

But visit a rookie system and Joe Camel rears his ugly head. Ventures abound. Even outside of the rookie systems misguided players have been abusing the mining frigates for mining in highsec, due to their cheap yield bonuses and easy skill load.

Something needs to be done. I personally gank mining frigates, especially inappropriately used Prospects and Endurances, at every opportunity. Our real story begins on one such patrol. Like any good story, it begins with a killmail:

Derlin Fishen was abusing this Endurance by using it to mine ice in highsec. In fact, he was doing it in Halaima, the very birthplace of the New Halaima Code of Conduct that he was then violating. Some people have no respect for history. His Endurance was double warp core stabilized, cloaky, and fitted with triple ECM. As of right now this is probably the most paranoid highsec mining fit that I’ve seen. Only one conclusion can be made; Derlin knew he was in the wrong, and his paranoia at being caught led him to such a fit. Having put the ship out of its misery, I believe Derlin and I can both sleep a little more soundly.

As with any battle, the victor is entitled to the rewards. I logged back in my scanner and cleared out both of our wrecks, recycling my Catalyst bits for the next dunk and confiscating the illegal modules.

However, little did I know that a veritable storm was brewing in Halaima. A Class IV Miner Meltdown was about to take place. (Miner Meltdowns and the scale used to measure them will be covered in a later post).

I know what you’re thinking. Derlin Fishen must have been ready to blow his top! Oddly enough, the meltdown came from Karne Audene of Astral Developments, a dangerous miner corporation that houses a shameless imitator of Code legend Kalorned, named Kalorne.

Karne Audene, The Bringer of Tears

Immediately after looting, I received an additional bounty of 35 million ISK, while Rascals Brigade also received a bounty to the tune of 35 million ISK. I suppose this was the white knight’s way of protecting his local area, even though bounties are largely ineffective in Eve. While I happily tossed my loot into station and logged, Karne had an explosive meltdown in a local miner channel. Because my name was mentioned, several weeks later some concerned citizens shared the logs with me. I now present them to you, the people:

[ 2016.06.04 09:31:37 ] Karne Audene > Unless given a good reason.  100 mil bounty to be placed on this alliance.
[ 2016.06.04 09:32:39 ] Karne Audene > Tired of being griefed by Phule's dogs.

Kaune immediately made it known that he had isk to burn, and bounty to spend. He was apparently angry at Phuleproof, a local miner and head of the Infinite Monkey Theorem alliance. Phuleproof is a bit of a rarity among mining CEOs in that he protects his miners from attack and competition in ways that actually make a difference. The really strange bit is that Rascals Brigade is not part of Infinite Monkey Theorem. Karne was simply yelling at the first group of people he could find. Regardless of relationships, Karne began his countdown. Soon all would get bounty...unless he had a good reason not to.

[ 2016.06.04 09:32:59 ] Karne Audene > 5.......
[ 2016.06.04 09:33:05 ] Karne Audene > 4........
[ 2016.06.04 09:33:10 ] Karne Audene > 3......
[ 2016.06.04 09:33:13 ] Karne Audene > 2.......
[ 2016.06.04 09:33:34 ] Melin Charon > lol what happend?
[ 2016.06.04 09:34:00 ] Karne Audene > You laugh now....
[ 2016.06.04 09:34:06 ] Melin Charon > hahah indeeed
[ 2016.06.04 09:34:17 ] Karne Audene > Check you head, its worth something.
[ 2016.06.04 09:34:21 ] Melin Charon > so what
[ 2016.06.04 09:34:26 ] Melin Charon > sigh
[ 2016.06.04 09:34:42 ] Karne Audene > Phule's dogs got off thier chain again.
[ 2016.06.04 09:34:50 ] Melin Charon > im not even in that alliance,i asked what happend ,my ranging lil bounthunter

Melin Charon, of Thanatos Heirs, decided to step in and diffuse the situation. Karne wasted no time in swinging his bounty cannon towards Melin, and put 22 million ISK on his head for voicing his concern. Again, strangely enough, Thanatos Heirs is not a part of Infinite Monkey Theorem or related to Rascals Brigade. Karne was putting bounties on people that were four systems away at the time of the gank, and not related to my corp at all. His meltdown was just beginning.

[ 2016.06.04 09:35:05 ] Karne Audene > I'm ready to liquidate 10bil, and place bounties. Tired of that shit.
[ 2016.06.04 09:35:16 ] Melin Charon > tired of what shit
[ 2016.06.04 09:35:26 ] Melin Charon > im interested cuz he asked me to join
[ 2016.06.04 09:35:55 ] Karne Audene > Phule's dogs. Comedian and whats the other FaceYou Now of someshit.
[ 2016.06.04 09:36:13 ] Melin Charon > can u be like more specific
[ 2016.06.04 09:36:18 ] Karne Audene > I'm angry., very angry.
[ 2016.06.04 09:36:46 ] Melin Charon > yeah focus ur hate on the right person
[ 2016.06.04 09:36:48 ] Karne Audene > People do evil shit, because they 'Choose' to be evil.
[ 2016.06.04 09:36:52 ] Melin Charon > omg
[ 2016.06.04 09:37:06 ] Melin Charon > i sense butthurt
[ 2016.06.04 09:37:17 ] Karne Audene > Comedian and the other guy are Phule's lapdogs. Used to fleace everyone.
[ 2016.06.04 09:37:28 ] Melin Charon > how?

Apparently Karne had noticed Comedian and FunTimesForYou ganking in the local area. He’d had enough. He would liquidate all his assets in order to place bounties. The time was at hand. Worse yet, he had uncovered a shadowy cabal, with Phuleproof at the center. The mystery deepens.

For those of you who think that Pathfinders are trolls and extortionists, and that all gankers are griefers, pay attention to the next line.

[ 2016.06.04 09:37:45 ] Karne Audene > Oh, I'm more then butt hurt. I'm mad enough to figure out where that asshole lives, and take it to him.
[ 2016.06.04 09:38:29 ] Karne Audene > You've either just started playing the game, or your one of Phule's alts just fucking with me again.
[ 2016.06.04 09:38:32 ] Melin Charon > aha...doxxing and real life threats.guess someone lost about some shitty space pixel
[ 2016.06.04 09:39:08 ] Melin Charon > u know there is this nice lil game - its called "my lil pony"
[ 2016.06.04 09:39:12 ] Karne Audene > Yup, its just space pixels.
[ 2016.06.04 09:39:29 ] Melin Charon > place all the isk u have on my head .lol
[ 2016.06.04 09:39:36 ] Melin Charon > it will phule hurt a lot
[ 2016.06.04 09:39:37 ] Melin Charon > lo
[ 2016.06.04 09:40:03 ] Melin Charon > moooa bounty
[ 2016.06.04 09:40:16 ] Karne Audene > Enjoy.
[ 2016.06.04 09:40:30 ] Karne Audene > So, are you all of Phule's alts?
[ 2016.06.04 09:41:01 ] Karne Audene > I heard he had quite a few.

There it is, a real life threat against my person. Though did he mean Comedian/FunTimes, or Phuleproof? Not only was Karne absolutely positive that Phuleproof, whose fleet doesn’t mine in Halaima, was behind the local ganks, he was beginning to suspect that the gankers, scouts, as well as the miners were all Phuleproof’s alts. He must be quite a person! Even Melin Charon came under suspicion. All Melin wanted to do was to offer the helpful suggestion that Karne switch from Eve to My Little Pony. Though to be honest, FarmVille might be more Karne’s taste.

Soon we see the real cause for the miner meltdown. It turns that this particular Chili con Karne had been stewing for over a week. It had gone sour.

[ 2016.06.04 09:47:24 ] Karne Audene > You guys want to harras folks while sinply mining. I'm doing my part to retaliate.
[ 2016.06.04 09:47:43 ] Melin Charon > u mental.rage all the long
[ 2016.06.04 09:48:55 ] Karne Audene > Yup, I'm rapidly getting there, thanks to a few people associated with Phule.
[ 2016.06.04 09:49:15 ] Melin Charon > whahwhaha..did he steal ur venture bpo
[ 2016.06.04 09:49:27 ] Karne Audene > He told me a couple times. 'Opps, Dogs got off thier chain'.
[ 2016.06.04 09:49:51 ] Karne Audene > So, by virtue, I must assume those dogs that got off the chain are his dogs.
[ 2016.06.04 09:49:52 ] Melin Charon > post the kills which makes u so made
[ 2016.06.04 09:49:56 ] Melin Charon > mad
[ 2016.06.04 09:50:11 ] Karne Audene > Not my kills.
[ 2016.06.04 09:50:21 ] Karne Audene > Bumped my Orca 200km out of the belt.
[ 2016.06.04 09:50:34 ] Melin Charon > thats all
[ 2016.06.04 09:50:37 ] Melin Charon > ?

It appears that an enigmatic Machariel that goes by the name of Mr. Bumps had removed Karne’s Orca from an ice belt a week ago. Karne never forgot it. As for Phuleproof’s dogs, I can sympathize. My dog runs away sometimes, and it’s stressful whenever it happens. I do hope that Phuleproof was able to relocate his canine companions.

As for Karne, the thin membrane between Eve Online and what we perceive as the real world was beginning to break down.

[ 2016.06.04 09:51:37 ] Karne Audene > Could never get a straight answer out of Phule.  Have to assume they are his dogs.
[ 2016.06.04 09:51:41 ] Melin Charon > lol...u might check ur premises and expectations on this game once in a while
[ 2016.06.04 09:52:01 ] Melin Charon > well then its an assumption
[ 2016.06.04 09:52:13 ] Melin Charon > u gonna start a war based on that ?
[ 2016.06.04 09:52:15 ] Karne Audene > Real life is shity enough.  EVE used to be a fun game. 10+ years ago.
[ 2016.06.04 09:52:30 ] Karne Audene > Now its topped up with dicks and assholes.
[ 2016.06.04 09:53:09 ] Melin Charon > so u want us to creat a big them park for u so ur feeling sdont get hurt.u want ur safe space
[ 2016.06.04 09:53:46 ] Karne Audene > What else do I have to go on?  Can't mine in pease. Can't run cosmic in peace, can't mine ice in peace.  Hmm, what the fuck else I gonna do with this isk. Lets put bounties of everyone and every corp.
[ 2016.06.04 09:54:29 ] Melin Charon > yeah...really,cant mine in peace twice lol...there is literally nothiing else to do in this game than mining
[ 2016.06.04 09:54:35 ] Karne Audene > Yup. I'm mentaly unstable. Be sure to thank Phule for the push off the cliff.
[ 2016.06.04 09:54:40 ] Melin Charon > gief precious veldspar or im triggered
[ 2016.06.04 09:54:56 ] Karne Audene > I don't PVP. What else is there to do?
[ 2016.06.04 09:55:25 ] Karne Audene > Its now all PVP. No one wants a good fight.

Melin Charon is good enough to suggest that Karne try some other in-game activity, as any good Pathfinder would. Eve can’t be just about mining. That playstyle is greedy, boring, and immoral. Karne’s response is to complain simultaneously that all of EVE (Which stands for Everyone Vs. Everyone) is PVP, and somehow that no one wants to have good fights. I smell a paradox.

[ 2016.06.04 09:57:28 ] Karne Audene > Seems your missing out on half the fun there.
[ 2016.06.04 09:57:35 ] Melin Charon > see...thats the differnce.guess its a playstyle then lol
[ 2016.06.04 09:57:54 ] Karne Audene > Sorry, I like to create, not destroy.
[ 2016.06.04 09:58:00 ] Karne Audene > Character flaw in me.
[ 2016.06.04 09:58:21 ] Melin Charon > sorry others like to destroy not to create - toon flaw in me
[ 2016.06.04 09:58:39 ] Karne Audene > But then I haven't been indoctrinated in public schools like some of ya.

Karne seems to think that by suggesting one do anything other than mining, that Melin is missing out on half the fun. Karne’s logic: If mining is one half of the fun, then mining is also the other half of the fun. The root cause of people not having fun (100% mining, in complete safety),is the failure of the public school system.

[ 2016.06.04 09:58:57 ] Melin Charon > holy....its strong inthis one
[ 2016.06.04 10:00:46 ] Karne Audene > Well, enjoy your destruction.  Thanks for keeping me from plexing my account. Enjoy the bounties.
[ 2016.06.04 10:01:08 ] Melin Charon > whatever u say ,m8
[ 2016.06.04 10:01:19 ] Karne Audene > Think 500,000,000 be enough on your alliance?
[ 2016.06.04 10:01:28 ] Karne Audene > To low?
[ 2016.06.04 10:01:33 ] Melin Charon > my alliance lol....which one exactly
[ 2016.06.04 10:01:56 ] Karne Audene > Infinate Monkey Theorum.   I did give him that name after all.
[ 2016.06.04 10:02:28 ] Karne Audene > Just take and take....
[ 2016.06.04 10:02:39 ] Melin Charon > im not in that alliance...sigh....i asked u what happend cuz phule asked me to join the alliance,but hten u went in whatever this is mode
[ 2016.06.04 10:03:22 ] Richard Pheonix > Can't we all just get along.. lol
[ 2016.06.04 10:03:54 ] Karne Audene > Comeidam pops into belt, kills a guy in an Endurance,  a few seconds later his alt.  (can't recall name) shows up and looks the wreck.   I've seen them pull that crap a few times.

Karne clings to his imagined world in which a shadowy puppet master is causing ganks and mayhem among the peaceful miners, regardless of the fact that Melin is in the channel due to a recruitment drive. Melin's corp must be in the alliance at fault, Karne reckons. Though Melin’s corp, again, is not in that alliance. And neither are involved with ComedianII.

He can’t even keep my alts straight. FunTimes kills, then ComedianII loots. Super simple stuff.

Confusing the situation further, Richard Pheonix, an actual Infinite Monkey Theorem member, chimes in to try and bring a peaceful resolution to the situation. Karne would have none of it.

[ 2016.06.04 10:04:17 ] Melin Charon > yeah thats a legit style.u better get used to things like that.
[ 2016.06.04 10:04:33 ] Karne Audene > Since you folks are hell belt on pissing on everything, I'm thinking we aren't going to get along.
[ 2016.06.04 10:04:45 ] Melin Charon > its not like u cant defend urself
[ 2016.06.04 10:05:09 ] Karne Audene > In a barge.  Right. No guns, no launchers....
[ 2016.06.04 10:05:22 ] Richard Pheonix > Guerilla tactics.. use an alt to gank targets that identified with other characters
[ 2016.06.04 10:05:32 ] Karne Audene > I do usually have drones, but thats not much help.
[ 2016.06.04 10:05:37 ] Richard Pheonix > Kind of a wuss tactic too
[ 2016.06.04 10:06:03 ] Karne Audene > When folks attack unarmed/defenseless ships.  My Rage-O-Meter goes off the scale.

Sure does.

[ 2016.06.04 10:06:17 ] Richard Pheonix > u in null?
[ 2016.06.04 10:06:23 ] Karne Audene > No...
[ 2016.06.04 10:06:31 ] Richard Pheonix > highsec?
[ 2016.06.04 10:06:40 ] Karne Audene > Yeess...
[ 2016.06.04 10:07:05 ] Richard Pheonix > U didnt get attacked in Utolia did u?
[ 2016.06.04 10:07:12 ] Karne Audene > I know, Highsec is more dangerous then nul. At least there you know who your enemies are, they are marked red.
[ 2016.06.04 10:07:23 ] Karne Audene > not this last time, no.
[ 2016.06.04 10:08:05 ] Karne Audene > Was in Halaima.  Kind been avoiding Uotila because of all the greifing by PHule's lapdogs.
[ 2016.06.04 10:08:55 ] Karne Audene > Sorry, wouldn't be an issue, but so mad can't sleep.
[ 2016.06.04 10:09:45 ] Richard Pheonix > Ok I'm confused, u r an alliance member.. is your corp not defending u?

Richard tries to figure out what’s going on, and how it possibly relates to his own alliance members. Richard Pheonix, we’re confused too.

[ 2016.06.04 10:10:05 ] Karne Audene > Hey, maybe I'll get a heart attack, and then this endless nightmare will end.  That would be nice. =)  (happy thought)
[ 2016.06.04 10:10:37 ] Karne Audene > I am my corp. I have interest in the congregating CCP seems to want  to force on me.
[ 2016.06.04 10:10:46 ] Karne Audene > I don't trust you, Phule, no one.
[ 2016.06.04 10:11:16 ] Karne Audene > I have no interest in .....
[ 2016.06.04 10:11:49 ] Karne Audene > Like La Vie.  She's a greifer. But yet she's in this channel.
[ 2016.06.04 10:11:52 ] La Vie > why in an ally then?

Karne suddenly switches from wishing he knew where I lived, so he could give me whatfor, to wishing himself a massive coronary. Perhaps he should give himself bounty? Without warning he wheels on La Vie, another local miner and Orca pilot hanging out in that channel.

Like Karne, I dislike when the industrial capital pilots grief me. They sit there all smug, tractoring cans, giving boosts to people they don’t know….and...hauling ore...I’m amazed they don’t get banned for it.

Griefers, the lot of ‘em! And don’t get me started on the freighter pilots!

[ 2016.06.04 10:12:07 ] Richard Pheonix > It's just a game in the end.. don't sweat it.. but it sounds like u aren't happy, Maybe just take a break.. I've lost 2 ships tonight.. not losing my col about i
[ 2016.06.04 10:12:09 ] Richard Pheonix > t
[ 2016.06.04 10:12:37 ] Karne Audene > Its not the damn ships.
[ 2016.06.04 10:12:59 ] Karne Audene > It toons with evil intent in thier heart that gets to me.
[ 2016.06.04 10:13:08 ] La Vie > and why do ou call me an greifer ?
[ 2016.06.04 10:14:27 ] Karne Audene > Was having a nice calm, relaxing day mining ice.  2.5 hours in the belt, only 2 others mining. I said something about it here, 2 minutes later (just to be asshole about it) come out and wipe out the belt in under 15 minutes.
[ 2016.06.04 10:15:27 ] Karne Audene > Thats why your a griefer La Vie.  Thats also why you have a high bounty it would seem.
[ 2016.06.04 10:15:33 ] Melin Charon > i start to think ur a troll.this shit cant be real

Aha! Now we see why Karne has such vitriol to throw at La Via. Karne mines for 2.5 hours, and then La Vie logs in and mines for fifteen minutes, which Karne feels is unfair. Someone never learned to share their toys.

The next couple minutes of dialogue are spent hashing it out over, essentially, who mined ice. Karne felt he was being griefed by having to share, et cetera. The only notable line is this:

[ 2016.06.04 10:19:17 ] Karne Audene > Rule of thumb.  The bigger the dick, the bigger the bounty.

I have to say I agree. My bounty stands currently at about 121 million isk, whereas Karne’s is at 22 million. If we apply his logic that means…

Finally La Vie asks the question we’ve all been pondering:

[ 2016.06.04 10:25:56 ] La Vie > you got the wrong leg first out of bed this morning?
[ 2016.06.04 10:25:57 ] Karne Audene > Whats yours? I guessing 85 ish.
[ 2016.06.04 10:26:00 ] Melin Charon > ur tutor mum told u that at home,right
[ 2016.06.04 10:26:17 ] Richard Pheonix > blocked.. this guy obviously has bigger issues than EVE
[ 2016.06.04 10:26:22 ] Karne Audene > No, didn't know it until I got an invitation letter from MENSA
[ 2016.06.04 10:27:57 ] Karne Audene > Remove the parts of this game I consider fun, ok.  Well I have nother better to do now.
[ 2016.06.04 10:28:20 ] Karne Audene > Thank PHule, but I'm sure its not like he gives a fuck.

Karne makes claims about Melin’s IQ before his big reveal—he was invited to MENSA, an association of people with high IQ levels. Lastly, Karne reiterates that Phuleproof is the root cause of all his problems.

When I got these logs, I was aghast that Karne would threaten my person over internet spaceships. It was clearly a bannable offence. I had a choice to make. On one hand, it is my duty as First Pathfinder to reform wayward players and set them on the Path to righteousness. On the other, I had apparently made a powerful enemy with a genius level intellect and a thirst for blood. Would I choose the path of mercy, or would I petition CCP to swing the mighty Banhammer?

Find out next time in Lagrimos Con Karne Part 2!

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